(Frequently Answered Questions)
These are answers to the questions it seems I hear every almost day.  If you are about to write, check this page first and you may find your question answered here.  I LOVE getting e-mail, so don't hesitate if you have a question that isn't addressed or would like me to elaborate on a topic.  (Besides, everyone else seems to have these things on their pages so I thought I'd do the same.)

Q:  "Why is your text so hard to read?"
A:  1) Your screen resolution is set too high for your monitor size, or 2) you need glasses.  Some text colors tend to get lost in this background;  Originally some of the link text on a few of the pages were set to display in red or purple, but people with red-green colorblindness (more common than I ever imagined!) couldn't read it.  These pages  were originally written for 640x480 resolution but are perfectly legible at 800x600 on a 15" monitor.  Anything higher than that probably requires either a bigger monitor or adjusting your font display size.

Q:  "There's this guy I really like but he doesn't even know I'm alive.  Is there a spell that can make him fall in love with me?"
A:  Yes, but if I gave it to you it would be like handing a monkey a hand grenade;  You would only hurt yourself with it.  It's unethical and dangerous to do spells that interfere with the free will of others.  Sure, he might fall madly in love with you and think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, but after you got to know him and found out he's not "Mr. Right" after all, what do you intend to do about him?  Don't play with people's emotions; it can only lead to trouble.
If you truly want to attract his attention, find out a little about his interests.  If you find you actually do have a few things in common, then you have a basis for a friendship and can approach him to discuss familiar topics.  If it turns out you collect stuffed animals and he's into backpacking, you won't have too much to talk about.  If the attraction is purely physical, then you can discuss that, but are you just looking for a physical relationship?  Probably not, but if you are and can't figure out how to get his attention then you may be beyond help anyway.  Physical attraction is only one aspect of a successful relationship, and through the years I've found that it may just be the least important one.

Q:  "Daddy, can I have $10 from next month's allowance?  It's only a week away."
A:  No.

Q:  "Why do you have advertising on the top of all your pages?"
A:  My server puts them there in return for giving me all the gigabytes of file space I can eat.  If I asked them to, they would throw up a popup banner that you could click off like some of the other servers, but I've never once heard anyone say they liked the things, and personally I'd rather eat worms than subject my guests to them.  In any event, I'm not getting paid for them being there, but I'm not paying for the web space, either.

Q:  "Daddy, can we have some ice cream?"
A:  Sure... bring me some while you're at it.

Q:  "I sent you the URL for my site and you said you'd link to it last week but it's still not there when I check..."
A:  Make sure your browser reloaded the page from my server and not from cache memory.  If you reload the page and still don't see it, then I probably forgot, so please send it again!  (They say the mind's the first thing to go...)

Q:  "Will you get the bowls down for us?"
A:  You were drawing on the ceiling when you were 4.  Stand on a chair.  And make mine chocolate, okay?

Q:  "Daddy, why did the chicken cross the road?"
A:  (Goddess grant me patience, and I need it right now!)  I don't know.  Go eat your ice cream.  And isn't it past your bedtime?

Q:  "Why can't I ever find you on IRC?  I've gone to your channel but you never seem to be online anymore.
A:  I still enjoy chatting but real life has reared its ugly head and I just don't have time like I used to.
I still go online once in a while, but I don't live there.  Between work, taking care of the lawn and cars, playing with the kids and building a marriage I hardly have time to work on this web site, let alone sit in a chat room all night.  If you want to chat with me, drop me a line and we'll set up a time to meet on IRC.  Aside from that you're taking your chances catching me there.

Q:  Is it hard to set up your own web site?
A:  Yes, at first, but once you muddle through a few simple HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language) commands it starts to make sense.  Actually, 99% of this site was done by just typing regular text using Netscape Composer then uploading the completed pages to the server.  I still do editing, such as adding links or changing a few lines of text here and there, online on the server by writing my own HTML.  But to knock out a full page a good HTML editing program can't be beat.

Q:  "I've been to a lot of Pagan websites and yours isn't like all the others.  It's good to see some original writing instead of just seeing the same old BOS again.  Where do you get all the ideas for your site?"
A:  I try to keep your attention while a script on my server downloads your hard drive, then I can read through all your files at my leisure.  To see what files I've copied off your hard drive so far, click here.

Q:  "What...?!?!?"
A:  Just kidding.  Sometimes I like to interject a little humor.  You can go change your pants now.

Q:  "Are you going to sit there playing with that stupid web site all night or are you coming to bed??"
A:  Umm... yeah, just a minute, hon...

Oakdancer   5/22/99

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