A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.
Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.
There are two kinds of people: those who say to God:
Thy will be done, and those to whom God says:
All right, then, have it your way. -C.S. Lewis
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. -G.K. Chesterton
Make God laugh - plan for the future.
I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is
prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me
is another matter.-Winston Churchill
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!
And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you takeover.
Atheist achieving orgasm: Oh Random! Oh, Chance!
Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth.
If money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?
Instant shaman - add one drum and beat slowly.
Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.
Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He SCORES!
That was Zen. This is Tao.
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister...
Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
To YOU I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying, and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
If you freeze to death and end up in hell... wouldn't you be really comfortable some point along the way?
If Jesus came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajita's, cause that's what he's getting.
You've given your life to Jesus, I've rented mine to Cthulhu.
[Entry deleted at author's request]
They think, therefore I am. - God
SATAN, SATAN! It's the main megafurnace! She's losin'
power and the temperature is dropping fast!
I'm not sure if I can hold her! --- Scotty in Hell..
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu: If your god's dead, blame mine.
Go thou and sin more creatively next time.
Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.
Source unknown - Forwarded by Snyd